Wine flu is no excuse for the work shy

Q I woke up this morning feeling a little under the weather. Although this could have been because of overdoing it at the weekend, I wasn't sure whether my immune system was down due to the vast amount of alcohol I consumed at the weekend, or if I really was coming down with something.

David Emin is director of advertising at Mirror Group Newspapers
David Emin is director of advertising at Mirror Group Newspapers

As I couldn't be arsed to go to work, I phoned in sick and told my boss that I was running a temperature and feeling a bit fluey. My boss thought I might have swine flu and told me to take the next four days off work and not to return unless my doctor signs a note giving me the all-clear. My problem is that I have been invited on a golfing jolly in Portugal in two days' time that I don't want to miss. Should I go and not
tell my boss?


A  I woke up one day last week with a severe headache, hot and cold sweats, the whites of my eyes had turned red and I also had partial memory loss. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed as suffering from a severe case of wine flu.

Although I wasn't contagious, I did notice that very few people on the train wanted to stand near me on my way to work.
However, at least I made it into work.

You, on the other hand, are obviously a work-shy grunt who cannot handle his drink. On that basis, not only do you not deserve to go on the golfing jolly you have been invited on, but you don't even deserve to be working in this industry.
My advice to you is to get yourself down to your emergency surgery immediately.

Ask your doctor to confirm you are OK to return to work and to write you a note supporting this. As soon as you have the note, phone your boss and tell him your symptoms are not contagious and confirm that you do not have swine flu.

Say that although your doctor has advised you to rest and return to work tomorrow, you are now feeling much better and will be back at work by lunchtime today.

This should not only score you brownie points with your boss, because you are showing your commitment to the company by dragging yourself back to work when you could be at home in bed, but it will also enable you not to miss out on three days of golf in Portugal.

Please do not consider going on the golfing trip without telling your boss as, without doubt, your "porky pies" will eventually be discovered and this is the kind of act that can ruin a career.

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