The other night, I attended a media owner bash. Having arrived with the good intention of only staying for one hour, showing my face to a few key people and then shooting home, I made the mistake of chatting to one person for rather longer than intended. Before I knew it, not only had I polished off more mojitos than was wise, but I found myself in a taxi heading off to spend the night in this person's flat. The next day, I had to come straight to work and, needless to say, I looked a mess and everybody guessed what I had been up to. How do I prevent this from happening again?
We've all been there ... the situation, not the flat. On more than one occasion I have found myself down on my knees having imbibed one too many mojitos. If you are going to do this on a school night, then you need to have good drawers.
Therefore, I am going to tell you what you should pack in your drawers to ensure that you always look your best in the morning.
Toothbrush and toothpaste, together with mouthwash, is a must. You may not think that your breath smells of alcohol, but, trust me, it does. A can of deodorant is also required. You also need Optrex eye brightening drops, and it is always worth investing in strong headache pills and something for indigestion. Pepto-Bismol will cover that off, and keep some Dioralyte sachets handy for rehydration.
It is obviously worth having a few beauty products hidden away, and this applies to the boys as well as the girls. Top of the list should be Modelco Tan Airbrush in a can: an instant bronzer that can be purchased from SpaceNK. This will get rid of the pasty look that is always a hangover giveaway.
Best not to use this too often though, unless you want to end up looking like a certain ad director based in Kensington.
I'd also recommend a can of Batiste dry hair shampoo. This won't clean your hair, but it will make it look as though it has just been washed. And vitamins C, B and E should always be taken - I've no idea why, but they seem to help. Finally, YSL's Touche Eclat will work wonders camouflaging your eyes.
However, the top tip I will share with you is to buy a tube of Anusol. Don't follow the instructions and rub it on your anus (you can, but that's not going to make you look better for work), but use it on the bags under your eyes. The puffiness will disappear, and you will look as though you have had eight hours' sleep. However, rather than any of the above, the most practical piece of advice I can give you is to keep off the mojitos in future.
- David Emin is director of advertising at Mirror Group Newspapers and has 20 years' experience in national press. If you have a career dilemma you would like David to address, e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. We will keep your name confidential.