IPC's somewhat urbane and immaculately attired editorial director Mike Soutar is often seen as the epitome of grace under pressure.
But Mike excelled himself last week. As co-presenter of IPC's gigantic editorial awards at Billingsgate, he had to not only share the stage with the ever-popular Jimmy Carr, but fight off a host of stage invasions as the ever-exuberant Nuts, Loaded and NME teams celebrated their many victories, which included the keenly fought best caption award.
He even managed to maintain his dignity when the Mountain Bike Rider team landed on stage in full cycling gear, including one joker who brought along a pair of ski poles, for some, rather obscure, reason.
In fact, Soutar was so happy to crack off one-liner after one-liner that it was difficult to discern who was the real funny man in the Jimmy and Mike double act.
Elsewhere, Fru Hazlitt (pictured with Christian O'Connell) has finally made good on her promise to get the teas in, after taking part in a fundraising campaign for Marie Curie Cancer Care. Last week, the radio boss could be found scurrying around the coalface at Virgin Towers as she indulged in a spot of running for the day. It's hard to criticise Hazlitt for the admirable deed, which helped raise in the region of £150,000 for the cause.
But, judging by the look on O'Connell's face, she might want to work a little harder at getting the temperature of the tea right, before trying to burn off the hand of her most coveted presenter.
HEY, BABY! THIS IS THE BIRTH OF NEW MARKETING
In recent weeks, we've bought you ads on pizzas, on the tops of coffee cups and even ads in space. But, perhaps unsurprisingly, those crazy Americans have gone and taken the biscuit with the most far-fetched bit of placement we've heard of so far.
The good folks down at LA-based web-hosting firm www.defyinggravity.com have given their media strategy something of a human touch.
Not only have they just sponsored the pregnancy of a 21-year-old Missouri resident (pictured), but they also bought (on eBay) a rather unique piece of ad space.
The LA-based firm paid $4,500 to have its logo tattooed on the back of a bloke's neck. That's right, from now until the end of his days, some ink-clad dude will be walking around with a massive URL for Globat.com written on the back of his neck.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the sponsored mother-to-be is set to pop her sprog any day now. Bitch only hopes this marketing exercise doesn't culminate in a live webcast of the birth. If it does, expect ad opportunities available on the doctors' scrubs.
IT'S TIME TO CASH IN ON YOUR REAL-LIFE STORIES
When Truman Capote embarked on the non-fiction novel In Cold Blood, it must have been hard for him to imagine that the genre would one day spawn the sort of real-life crap that fills countless pages of women's magazines every week.
But, in a roundabout way, it did. And now the means for tipping this trash into the columns of these magazines has been made all the easier thanks to this wizzy website: www.cash4yourreallifestory.com.
It's brilliant. All you have to do is... think of the most heart-wrenching thing to have ever afflicted you and/ or your loved ones, drop the people on this site a line, let them jazz it up a bit, and then you receive a handsome cash windfall to help sweeten the pill of your tragedy/disease/divorce/adultery/sex-change/disaster/death-related story.
Bitch's cynical side is braced for possible banner and pop-up ads on the site from debt-relief companies, insurance firms, etc. It goes to show that one man's pain really can be another man (or woman's) pleasure.
MAIDEN STILL SPREADS THE WORD OF LOVE
Maiden Outdoor's takeover by Titan has been the big news lately. But fair play to the embattled outdoor firm for keeping its eyes on the prize when it comes to agency relations.
Earlier this month, Maiden's Unique team was out spreading the love at Mediaedge:cia, as it presented the winner of its Love Transvision competition with a luxury weekend break for two at Cowley Manor.
The winner of Maiden's deter-mined bid to raise awareness of its key assets ahead of the sale was MEC's Rebecca Parrott.
Of course, we can't say that among the losers are, well, pretty much everyone with shares in Maiden.
TIME BANDIT - Rufus Radcliffe, Head of marketing, Channel 4
34% - Thinking about new and interesting ways of bringing the Channel 4 brand to life. But if you are a speculative marketing or advertising agency, I have two pieces of advice: make sure your idea is genuinely new and exciting and, more importantly, don't call me Rupert.
32% - Spent in meetings, discussing anything from Dispatches to Desperate Housewives. We also set aside a certain amount of time to compare mobile phones, and make the now mandatory comment on how addictive crackberries are.
23% - Answering e-mails. One of my New Year resolutions was to answer all e-mails within 24 hours, but I am currently getting a daily message from a woman called Erin, who is apparently the answer to all my fantasies.
7% - Watching Deal or No Deal at my desk. I time it to perfection to catch the critical last five minutes. I never thought I would become dependent on a daily fix of Noel Edmonds, but that and an unhealthy addiction to Starbucks are an alarming part of my daily routine.
4% - Waiting for the overnight ratings to arrive. I tend to blame the strength of the competition if a programme I have marketed has not delivered. "We were always going after a sport-oriented male-skewing target audience with a higher-than-average propensity to consume early '90s conceptual film pieces" - in other words, Preston v Brighton went into extra time and Sky Movies was showing WaterWorld.